Garbage. Absolutely horrifying, utter trash. A waste of trees, bookshelf space and precious, oh so very fucking precious braincells. Honestly, why is this even published? Every single book store in Sydney is promoting this tripe, claiming it to be some kind of awesome romance novel. Are you absolutely shitting me? There is nothing romantic at all about this 'book'. And I don't mean the BDSM erotica themes, I mean the fifty levels of abuse in this friggin' thing. In fact, that's what this book sh...

I read this book back before E.L. James even wrote it. I don't brag about a lot of things, but my review skills are one of the few things I will brag about.E.L. James read my review on this book and she loved it SO much, she decided to go ahead and write the book. Here is a word-for-word copy of our email exchange from that day. ***E.L. James: Hello, Colleen Hoover! I saw your book review on Fifty Shades of Grey and I loved it so much, I decided I would write the book. I'm already finished writi...

In the words of Miss Steele, "You need to sort your shit out, Grey!" Good day, sir! Fifty Shades of Grey, more like Fifty shades of fucked up nonsense *rolls eyes* I should get a medal for just finishing this tripe. I honestly do NOT feel like revisiting this book and writing a review. I’d rather spend the time searching for ways to remove this utter nonsense from my memory. However, this book is so bad that I feel the need to warn others from this drivel. Luckily, I did not buy this garbage. I ...

I have finally made a decision about Fifty Shades of Grey. I know, I know, my review of this isn't really needed, everybody's talking about this book, everybody's got the general gist of what it's about. But I've spent quite a long time thinking about this novel, the characters, and the relationship portrayed. I've been thinking about all the reasons people hate this so much and love it so much. I need to confess - for those who missed it - that I originally reviewed this first book immediately ...

Those of you who have had the privilege of reading Fifty Shades of Grey will appreciate the context in which this review was written. For those of you who have not read the book, well, you’ll have to buy a copy to understand the inside joke. CONTRACTDated this day 28th day of October, 2011 BETWEENP.A. LUPTON (reader, and fan, Fifty Shades of Grey by E L James)AndALL FANS OF EROTIC, CONTEMPORARY ROMANCEEXPECTATIONSReaders can expect to find within the pages of this book a flawless rendering of th...

Introducing an even more abusive and disturbing TWILIGHT! Now with whips and chains! Fifty Shades of Shit Haters, please exit stage left.I'm not sure what possessed me to pick up Fifty Shades of Grey. I thought I might genuinely like it before I started, but all I was left with was one hell of a mindfuck. Whatever it was that brought on this knee jerk purchase seems to have mercifully left me with enough common sense to say I will not be continuing on with this series.Recently ...

What in the hell just happened? Did I really read that? Oh, my god, I did. I did read that. Meet Anastasia Steele: Ana is just a giant mess of a human being. She's insecure to the point of it being laughable, 'klutzy' (even though she only trips twice in the entire book), and a complete ditz. She's a virgin (of course) who's never taken any sexual interest in anyone before. Right. I'm fairly certain there hasn't been a woman this naive since 'round about 1954. At one point, she thinks put...

You know, I was beginning to wonder if I needed to change some of my two star books to one star. I was thinking that I might not ever personally read a book worthy of one star, and I was messing up my scale by giving some of the more lame books I've read lately two stars instead of one.Thank you E.L. James, for proving to me there was something worth waiting for. Something that truly exemplifies the meaning of terrible.Now hold up, all you would-be defenders. I read this whole thing. I did not s...

I didn’t want to start this book. Many people are praising it but I’m simply not into erotica, it's just not my vibe. But this book got way too famous so I guess I'm too curious for my own good. Christian Grey. A hot dude that melts a woman’s panties off with just one look. The perfect sex toy set out to conquer an innocent girl. Grey (the sick f*ck) is considered one of the hottest characters in romance. Really? This guy? Anastasia is an immature insecure desperate idiot who wants to become a t...

0 stars. DNF @55%. Review edited February 12, 2015“Sex is more than an act of pleasure, it's the ability to be able to feel so close to a person, so connected, so comfortable that it's almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can’t take it. And at this moment you're a part of them. 
- Author unknown -

I've had a rather long list of issues when I decided to abandon ship. FSoShit is garbage and if I had read a paperback I would have burned the fucking offending thing. It's a total mystery to...