What in the actual hell did I just read? Did that really happen? Oh my god, it did. I really read **Fifty Shades of Grey** by E.L. James. \n\nMeet Anastasia Steele:\n\nAna is just a giant mess of a human. She's so insecure it's laughable, 'klutzy' (even though she only trips twice in the whole book), and a complete ditz. She's a virgin (of course) who's never been sexually interested in anyone before. Right. I'm pretty sure there hasn't been a woman this naive since, like, 1954. At one point, sh...

Garbage. Absolutely horrifying, utter trash. A waste of trees, bookshelf space, and precious, oh so very fucking precious brain cells. Honestly, why was **Fifty Shades of Grey** even published? Every single bookstore is promoting this tripe, claiming it to be some kind of awesome romance novel. Are you absolutely shitting me? There is nothing romantic at all about E.L. James' '**Fifty Shades of Grey**'. And I don't mean the BDSM erotica themes, I mean the fifty levels of abuse in this friggin' t...

You know, I was starting to wonder if I needed to downgrade some of my two-star books to one star. I was thinking I might never personally read a book worthy of a single star, and I was messing up my rating scale by giving some of the lamer books I'd read lately two stars instead of one. Thank you, E.L. James, for proving to me there was something worth waiting for. Something that truly exemplifies the meaning of terrible. Now hold up, all you would-be defenders. I read this whole thing. I d...

I read this book *way* before E.L. James even wrote it. I don't brag about a lot of things, but my reviewing skills? Yeah, those are brag-worthy.E.L. James actually read *my* review of "Fifty Shades of Grey" and loved it *so* much, she decided to go ahead and write the whole darn thing. Here's a word-for-word copy of our email exchange from that fateful day. ***E.L. James: Hello, Colleen Hoover! I saw your book review on "Fifty Shades of Grey" and I loved it so much, I decided I would write the ...

To quote Miss Steele, "You need to sort your shit out, Grey!" Good day, sir! Fifty Shades of Grey, more like Fifty shades of fucked up nonsense *rolls eyes* I deserve a medal just for finishing this garbage.I honestly do NOT feel like revisiting **Fifty Shades of Grey** by E.L. James and writing a review. I’d rather spend the time searching for ways to erase this utter nonsense from my memory. However, this book is so bad that I feel the need to warn others away from this drivel. Luckily, I didn...

Okay, so I've finally reached a verdict on Fifty Shades of Grey. I know, I know, another review isn't exactly groundbreaking; everyone's already dissected this book and knows the general story. But I've genuinely spent ages mulling over this novel, the characters, and their twisted relationship. I've been pondering why some people loathe it while others are obsessed. I need to confess—for those who missed it—that I initially reviewed this first book right after finishing it, before diving into (...

For those lucky enough to have already devoured Fifty Shades of Grey, you'll get the context of this review. And if you haven't? Well, grab a copy – you'll need it for the inside jokes. 😉CONTRACTDated this 28th day of October, 2011 BETWEENP.A. LUPTON (reader, and fan, Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James)AndALL FANS OF EROTIC, CONTEMPORARY ROMANCEEXPECTATIONSPrepare yourself for a masterful exploration of a novice submissive navigating the BDSM world. E.L. James flawlessly captures Anastasia Stee...

I really didn’t want to start "Fifty Shades of Grey". So many people are praising E.L. James's book, but I’m simply not into erotica; it's just not my vibe. But "Fifty Shades of Grey" got way too famous, so I guess I'm too curious for my own good. **Christian Grey**. A hot dude that melts a woman’s panties off with just one look. The perfect sex toy set out to conquer an innocent girl. Grey (the sick f*ck) is considered one of the hottest characters in romance. Really? This guy? **Anastasia*...

Introducing an even more abusive and disturbing TWILIGHT! Now with whips and chains! Fifty Shades of Shit Haters, please exit stage left.I'm not sure what possessed me to pick up Fifty Shades of Grey. I thought I might genuinely like it before I started, but all I was left with was one hell of a mindfuck. Whatever it was that brought on this knee jerk purchase seems to have mercifully left me with enough common sense to say I will not be continuing on with this series.Recently ...

0 stars. DNF @55%. Review edited February 12, 2015“Sex is more than an act of pleasure, it's the ability to be able to feel so close to a person, so connected, so comfortable that it's almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can’t take it. And at this moment you're a part of them. 
- Author unknown -

I've had a rather long list of issues when I decided to abandon ship. *Fifty Shades of Grey* is garbage, and if I had read a paperback, I would have burned the offending thing. It's a total m...